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[10 Apr 2009|12:43pm] |
i feel like such a dick.
i really miss corey.
i really miss pete.
i really miss jesse.
i really miss ben.
i really miss jon.
i feel bad because we're so close and i really can't stand you right now. i don't know why, you didn't do anything wrong, but when you come over i act like a total bitch. usually because i don't want you there. i can't help it! i guess it's just because i've never been less attracted to you and i feel like i'm wasting my time. it frustrates me that you frustrate me without even doing anything. the worst part is that you did something really nice and thoughtful for me today and i still don't want to be around you.
maybe if you would shut the fuck up for 2 seconds, i could appreciate your company.
but i know you wont
because you never stop talking.
ever.
seriously.
work on that.
even when i roll my eyes, which, to any normal person, means "uhhh i don't really give a shit" YOU STILL KEEP TALKING. I CAN'T TAKE IT.
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[06 Apr 2009|11:21am] |
i don't know what the fuck i'm going to do if i get robbed one more time.
i thought i was safe, using the bank. but some fucker got my bank card and cleaned me out.
because jeff putting me $500 in debt and dissappearing just wasn't enough.
too bad i really just want to take the whole offense out on jeff, seeing as how what was stolen from me in the past few days was chump change compared to what he owes me.
the last thing i want to do is bring violence into the picture but i can't keep getting walked all over like this.this is fucking ridiculous. i really know what i did to deserve what i'm left with..
nothing.
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[24 Mar 2009|10:07pm] |
damn! i don't know what to do! i'm exploding with faggotry..
so theres this dude.
who used to pay attention to me,
but for some reason when we saw each other it was always awkward.
i don't know why, cos we got along so damn well.
and i felt really close to him, even though we never really got to know each other well.
i guess i kind of let it go? cos it wasn't going anywhere? i never thought i did, but maybe i gave off the impression that i didn't give a damn. i think i was just trying to look cool. ugh.
cos outta nowhere i realize i, like, ADORE this person.
and there is nothing that i want to do more than try to forget about awkwardness and spend as much time as it takes to break the worthless ice that hasn't melted in the past, what, 10months that we've been playing this hopeless game.
but he doesn't pay attention to me anymore.
so now i find myself saying and doing the stupidest things to the worst people hoping that it would make a difference.
but the glacier is only building. where did i go wrong?
DAMMIT LUCIE
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[24 Feb 2009|04:17pm] |
IT'S AWESOME,
but i know that i'm going to fuck it up!
fuck me up, more than anyone.
but it but it hurts so good.
AND TOMORROW,
revenge shall be paid.
you stupid fucker. mwahahhaha.
i'm gonna go write in my real journal so i don't have to write in a code that absolutely noone understands but myself.
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[12 Feb 2009|03:53pm] |
what to do to make this the summer of all summers.
1. get a new job. (crucial.)
2. buy a laptop.
3. play as much frisbee as possible.
4. be as involved with METAL GODS as much as possible.
5. go camping.
6. have a car wash.
7. make dance music.
8. record with joe belz and sam holden! hopefully that'll be sooner than this summer..
9. drink less.
10. go to bonnaroo.
11. go to canada.
12. start creating again.
13. hang out with more adults.
14. learn how to grill.
15. ride my bike everywhere.
16. stop leading the world on.
17. go fishing
18. get really good at pool.
19. and cards, darts, and beerpong.
20. get my shitty tattoos covered up with cooler ones.
21. hang out with my sister.
22. visit the cemetary i have dreams about it's about time i saw this place in person.
23. get really good at spanish.
24. learn how to work my way around a dark room.
25. build a kick ass fort.
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iwannadewmewes's journal